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Stop Mutilating My Carrots For Unsavoury Acts

from The Suppering by The Prophets of Impending Doom

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about

An entirely true story about a guy at a party turning a carrot into a pipe for smoking weed. We believe, if you're going to smoke that, just use the pipes that are made specifically for that purpose, and leave the carrots for eating.

This story is somewhat biased against weed as I was young and in a no tolerance, anti-drug mindset when I wrote it originally (2009).

The Prophets of Impending Doom does not condone nor condemn the use of marijuana, but considers people who are high as fuck tend to be nicer people than their usual grumpy selves.

lyrics

David's on the kitchen again,
Holding a knife as if it were a pen.
Focussing hard in his drunken state,
To carve out a cavern in my best rated
Carrot.

He digs away at the flesh,
Of what used to be my most fresh,
The unsavoury intent of this exercise,
Ultimately could bring his demise!

Why oh why must carrots die?
Why oh why must you be so wry?
Why must you mutilate my vegetable? (To feel pleasurable?!)
Why oh why must you be high?
Why oh why must you deny?
Carrots are designed to be eaten!

You've had some spirits and beer,
Now your intent is filling us with fear,
I think you should sit down for a while,
And I'll remove this marijuana pile.

You need to think about your acts
You need to face the facts,
You're a crazy crazy man and how could you think
Of mutilating carrots now?

Why oh why must carrots die?
Why oh why must you be so wry?
Why must you mutilate my vegetable? (To feel pleasurable?!)
Why oh why must you be high?
Why oh why must you deny?
Carrots are designed to be eaten!

credits

from The Suppering, released January 5, 2013
Ashley - vocals
Clarrie - shouted chorus line.
Lyrics - C. Duncan, A. Miller.

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The Prophets of Impending Doom Adelaide, Australia

The Prophets of Impending Doom are possibly the only ska band to ever feature a dedicated cowbellist. Combine this extra cowbell with a four-piece harmonic horn section, an awesome-as-fuck rhythm section laying down the craziest danciest beats this side of the Black Stump, and a live show more energetic than any you've seen before, and you have us - your new favourite SA ska octet! ... more

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